26 Anti-Valentines Day Gifts That'll Make You Happier Than Any Dating App

Updated: Jun 07 2026
26 Anti-Valentines Day Gifts That'll Make You Happier Than Any Dating App
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Romance is dead, your love life hopes are, too, but you're in lots of luck, these anti-Valentine's day gifts are here for you! When February 14th rolls around you might be feeling depressed, angry, or giddy at the prospect of being single and alone and these gift ideas are tailored to your every emotion. Make a single (again) friend chuckle with gag gifts for men and gag gifts for women that might also elicit some eye rolls. Empower and inspire your bestie after she breaks up with her BF or after her divorce with some fabulous Galentine's ideas that make anti-Valentine's a reason to smile. And if you know someone who pretends to hate Valentine's day but lowkey loves it, you'll find loads of funny Valentine's Day gifts here. Stop crying, start buying, and start partying with that anti-Valentine's Day spirit. 

The Boyfriend Body Pillow

The boyfriend pillow never wakes up and tries to assault you with morning breath and he never sticks his cold feet against your warm thighs either. Instead, he remains perfectly positioned and snuggles you close all night long, no complaints. He's the ideal man, even though he's only about 25% of a man.
$34 .95

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The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Academic information, a few poop jokes, and absolutely no calls to be annoyingly positive, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck has sold over 10 million copies and changed people's lives. Instead of preaching "lemons into lemonade" the book teaches you to put up with that sour taste and press forward to emerge from the fire like a champ.
$10 .50

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It Will All Work Out by Kevin Hart

Let Kevin Hart be your voice of reason on anti-Valentine's day, not with a comedy routine, but with a super candid book about how life sucks sometimes and how you can defeat the Control Monster. The book is the perfect balance of funny, touching, and inspiring and you'll walk away from it feeling more confident with every step.
$1 .99

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Faraday Cage Phone Pouch

From about 10pm on February 13th to 6am on February 15th, hide your phone in this bag and you'll be in good shape. It's a Faraday cage, which blocks all WiFi and LTE signals so you can't get any notifications that would otherwise distract or tempt you!
$6 .99

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Love Sucks Adult Coloring Book

Who needs love anyway? Love sucks, it's the worst, and you can soothe your achy-breaky or angry-brangry (is that a thing?) heart with this adult coloring book. Grab your pink, red, and violet coloring pencils and shade in lots of silly designs filled with lots of swear words.
$5 .99

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The Perfect Man Chocolate

Ladies, he's finally here, the Perfect Man. He's short, but he isn't lying about being 6'1" on his Tinder profile, he's dark, he's handsome, and he's more than a snack, he's a whole-ass dessert. He's 6" and 3.5oz of pure chocolate. That's not a euphemism, he is a sweet and high-calorie human.
$13 .93

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Black Silk Rose Bouquet

Red roses are for love, black ones are for hate, which is the best way to describe your feelings about Valentine's Day. Does that mean you shouldn't have flowers on February 14th? Heck no! Treat yourself to a little love with this stunning black silk rose bouquet.
$17 .99

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Don't Touch Me Anti-Valentine's Phone Case

Keep prying hands off your phone and your body with this phone case. "Don't Touch Me," it says, could it be any more clear? It's pink, it's red, and it'll tell people to keep their hands off of your booty unless they wanna be dead.
$15 .99

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Chocolate Covered Strawberries for One

A dozen strawberries for one, really? Girl, you get to be as greedy and gluttonous as you want on anti-Valentine's day. And technically, since these exquisite wonders do have a strawberry as a base, they're good for you! Enjoy milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate with each bite of the tasty morsels.
$39 .97

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Grow A Boyfriend

To say this guy here is a grower and not a shower is not an exaggeration, toss him in water and he gets about 6x times bigger than he is in the package. And speaking of packages, he's a complete one, look at those abs! Finally, you can tell your mom you're not spending Valentine's Day alone.
$3 .89

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It's You Not Me Anti-Valentine's Pop Socket

It's you, not me, wait what? The PopSocket said what it said and it speaks the truth. Why spare someone's feelings and tell them it was you and not them when it wasn't? In any case, hold onto this PopSocket while you're swiping left and right furiously to make sure you're not flinging your phone.
$14 .95

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Luna Personal Massager

Instead of a two-buck chuck with a two-pump chump, crack open a bottle of rose and spend the evening in the most tantalizing way with this personal massager. It's got several speed settings and is waterproof so you can use it in any room of the house.
$19 .97

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White Sage Smudge Sticks

Get all that negative Valentine's Day energy out and celebrate anti-Valentine's day on a fresh foot full of good vibes with white sage smudge sticks. Light 'em up and take a walk through the house cleansing the energy of your abode.
$7 .99

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Anti-Valentine's Day Candy Heart PopSocket

Plz No, You Wish, Screw You, Loser, and so many more are the words on this PopSocket, which embraces the spirit of Anti-Valentine's Day at its peak. The charmingly offensive cell phone holder and prop is a must for the haters, who will love it.
$14 .99

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Heart Shaped Ferrero Rocher Gift Box

Romance your own damn self or a friend on anti-Valentine's with a heart-shaped box of some of the best chocolate out there. There are 15 truffles sprinkled with hazelnuts in this heartfelt array, including five milk chocolate, five dark chocolate, and five white chocolate delights, each more mouthwatering than the last.
$18 .99

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