25 Freedom-Loving Florida Man Gifts That Are As Brilliant As Nuking A Hurricane

Dangerous Experiments For After Dinner

The ultimate game of "f*ck around and find out," Dangerous Experiments for After Dinner is loads of fun and f*ckery all at the same time. It's full of Florida activities for the whole family.

$13 .99

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#2

Right Or Racist Party Game

Check your ego, politics, and guns at the door when you play a game of right or racist, a card party game that's best played with friends and lots of drinks. Make some guesses about which of your friends might get canceled by playing this game.

$25 .00

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#3

Vaporizer Hoodie

Why pass the blunt when you can keep all your weed to yourself and wear it on your person? This vaporizer hoodies stores the goods in a comfy sweatshirt that has a pocket you can stuff your munchy food in.

$125 .00

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#4

A Whole Alligator with Head and Feet

The best thing about ordering a croc on Amazon is that you don't have to wrassle, skin, and cook one yourself. And for the sake of authenticity, this one has head and feet still attached! For convenience, it's preskinned.

$144 .99

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#5

Everything I Want To Do Is Illegal Book

Teach 'em right and teach 'em young with a children's book about illegal activities. Sure, Junior might land himself in the slammer at some point but you can guarantee he'll be a breakout star of the Florida Man headlines.

$12 .04

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#6

The Beautiful Poetry Of Donald Trump

With such close proximity to Mar-A-Lago, it's only fitting that a Florida Man would want to enjoy the stunning prose of Donald J Trump. William Shakespeare, who? Those plays are bigly bad, this idiotic pentameter is so much better.

$17 .77

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#7

Alcohol Vaporizing Pump

Whip-its are for rich white kids in the city, real Florida Men get absolutely destroyed by inhaling their alcohol. To get down to business before a "smoking" sesh, all he needs to do is position this pump over the top of a nip of liquor.

$19 .99

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#8

The Stealth Beer Sleeve

When Florida Man's wife makes him do something fancy, like go to the carnival where the carnies have teeth, he might need a beer to get through it. Alcohol's not allowed, but only if folks can see that you're drinking it, and they can't with this Stealth Beer Coozie.

$13 .99

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#9

Crap Taxidermy

A Florida Man doesn't know a lot of things about a lot of things but he does know about taxidermy. He will cry when he sees some of the jobs on the pages of this book, which are so bad it's a wonder the animals haven't risen from the dead to get revenge.

$8 .99

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#10

White Trash Cooking

He gets free, fast food wandering on his property every day, why not cook it up? With White Trash cooking, he'll have all the knowledge Appalachia has to offer in whipping up things like possum he needs. They'll be the best meals he's ever had.

$12 .99

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#11

Compact Folding Survival Bow

As a Florida Man, it's important to be ready to throw down with all kinds of critters at a moment's notice. Having this compact bow on hand is key. It unfolds in seconds, is crafted from high-quality, lightweight material, and guarantees a clean shot every time.

$149 .00

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#12

Exotic Meats Beef Jerky

Give him the salty and savory flavors he craves with some jerky sticks made with exotic meats. He'll have backyard favorites like alligator in the mix along with less common treats like buffalo and ostrich.

$27 .99

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#13

Croc Nuts

The back of a man's shoes should match the back of his truck and with Croc nuts, they can! The 3D-printed twig and berries snap onto the back strap of his Crocs and bang his heels with every step.

$9 .99

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#14

One Million Volt Stun Gun

Weak men wake themselves up with coffee, Florida men do it with a one million-volt stun gun. Also good for scaring away gators that are dangerously close to turning your foot into a snack, don't tell the cops you've got this magic wand on hand.

$50 .35

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#15

Beard Measurement Chart Shirt

A beard of length is something that you work on for years and it's hard to get to just the right length. With the chart on this shirt, a Florida Man will be able to cut to his perfect length at any time.

$13 .79

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#16

Chug-n-Plug Beer Shotgun Keychain Tool

No self-respecting man sips a beer during times of celebration. No, he's gotta shotgun that sh*t. With this Chug-n-Plug keychain on his fob, he'll be ready to go anywhere, any time.

$19 .99

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#17

American Flag Overalls

For weddings and that most important of holidays (the 4th of July), it's important to be dressed in your best. These American Flag overalls will do the trick, with minimal coverage and maximum red, white, and blue.

$40 .99

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#18

The Redneck Plunger

When you had a little too much of grannie's possum stew and you've dropped a log in the toilet bigger than any in the backyard you have ready for firewood, spare the pipes and blow it up with the Redneck Plunger. Point, shoot, and poof goes the poop.

$48 .29

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#19

A Can Of Whoop Ass

A Florida Man's bark is often bigger than his bite and when he threatens to open a can of whoop ass on you, there's a 50/50 chance it'll be this one. Good for a laugh, not good for anyone whose opponent actually wants to throw down.

$6 .99

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#20

Protected By F**k Around And Find Out

Will it be a gator that attacks? Will it be a guy named Dale with one overall strap covering his pasty white chest and a shotgun? Only the person that sees this sign and thinks, "you know what? I will" will ever get to find out. For their sake, they better not try their luck.

$35 .00

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#21

Hairy Gut Fanny Pack

Make all the ladies swoon with this hairy gut fanny pack, or wait, are they fainting because they're horrified? It doesn't matter because if she's not down with a dad bod she doesn't deserve yours.

$13 .40

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#22

License Plate Flipper

Your car's hotter than a humid day in mid-August but the cops won't be able to find you with this license plate flipper. Alternatively, if the car belongs to you but you want to curse your ex-wife with toll payments, pop it in the spinner and give it a twirl! She's screwed!

$445 .00

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#23

Remote Control Crocodile Head

Scare the local kids out of the pond you work so hard to maintain with a remote control crocodile head. It's the tip of the iceberg in a way, you never know how big the body is underneath and no one wants to find out and lose an arm.

$44 .88

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#24

The Ultimate Drinking Game

Imagine a game that crams all the classic college drinking games into one and then peppers in some childhood favorites. That's what you'll get with this drinking game, the ultimate one, complete with red cups, ping pong balls, spinners, an Opoly style board, and more!

$24 .99

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#25

Money for a Good Divorce or Personal Injury Lawyer

It doesn't matter what the CCTV down at the Wal-Mart captured, you most certainly did not dump a puddle of milk on the floor for your own self to trip on. You're gonna need a good lawyer to get the cash you deserve. Same for when it's time to renegotiate that alimony payment...

$206 .95

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#26

Motorized Drink Cooler

Yeehaw! Cheers to your beer and the cooler you rode in on! You'll be the hit of the party when you roll up on this motorized drink cooler. The beverage delivery service on wheels has just enough range to get you a few miles there and back.

$1,399 .00

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#27

The Florida Man Adult Coloring Book

He's a guy with simple hobbies. Fishin', giggin' frogs, colorin', the easy stuff. With this Florida Man adult coloring book he'll be inspired by all the Florida Men who have Florida Manned before him and perhaps be inspired into adopting new hobbies, like wrasslin' crocs.

$7 .99

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#28

A 27-Pound Bucket Of Mac & Cheese

For hurricane prep, the family reunion, or both at the same time there's no better answer than the question fo what to eat than a 27-pound bucket of macaroni and cheese. Think of it as a challenge. You're not a family of quitters, you can eat the whole thing in one party.

$159 .99

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#29

Fish Sandals

Everyone knows you're not supposed to wear shoes on the boat unless the shoes you're wearing are these fish flops. The buoyant bass float in case they fall off and are foamy as all heck to support and cushion your delicate feet.

$22 .99

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#30

Live Nudes Shower Curtain

Since having one of these signs hanging on his house would be dangerous during a hurricane, having one on the shower curtain is the next best thing. A Florida Man will be able to brag to all his buddies that he went to the strip club every time he showers (which isn't often, but who cares).

$30 .99

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#31

A White Trash Trucker Hat

A trucker hat is a must for a Florida Man, how else is he supposed to protect the bald spot in the middle of his mullet from sun damage? A white trash hat reflects his heart on his five-head and comes in several different design varieties.

$18 .99

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#32

Come Back With A Warrant Doormat

You know your rights. At least some of them, the most important ones for sure. And one of those is unlawful search and seizure and that if the cops come knocking, they're not gonna be rocking your sh*t unless they have a warrant. When you see them see this mat you'll know it's time to start hiding evidence.

$27 .27

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#33

American Flag Cowboy Hat

You can't call yourself a cowboy without a cowboy hat and you certainly can't call yourself a red-blooded, American, Florida Man if that hat isn't bedecked with the American flag. This cowboy hat kills two birds with one stone and you can try not to kill yourself with a firework at the 4th of July bonfire.

$29 .99

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#34

Door Knocker Balls

Any Yankee with two brain cells to rub together has gotta admit that any Florida Man has bigger balls than any other man. Give a guy a door knocker representative of the knockers he's got in his pants with this one.

$36 .62

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#35

50 Cal Shot Glass

Use some shots to do some shots with a little help from this 50-caliber shell. The golden glasses are great for a couple of hillbillies looking to toast to finally chasing that possum out of the garage...with dynamite...the garage is no longer there.

$14 .99

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#36

Rattlesnake And Alligator Jerky

Choosing between rattlesnake and alligator jerky is an impossible choice, but you don't have to worry about making it with these cans. Louisiana's finest has been packed up for the Florida Man to enjoy, and enjoy he will. Taste all that unsaturated fat and salt and smokiness and whoooo-wee.

$24 .95

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#37

Ugly Stik Polarized Sunglasses

These polarized sunglasses, aka the dating profile red flag, are the key to keeping the sun out of your eyes and ladies out of your DMs. You're perfectly happy with your truck, no need to find a future ex-wife who will take that and your dog from you.

$22 .17

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#38

Universal Handcuff Lockpick Keychain

You're only arrested if you stay caught, and Florida Man has the necessary skills to use this universal handcuff lockpick to get himself out of a sticky situation. The only other thing he needs is the speed to run away. That is not included.

$7 .99

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#39

Candy Cigarettes

Back in the day kids could smoke but today the Surgeon General frowns on that or whatever. Get your kid ready for a future full of pounding packs of Marlboro Reds day in and day out with candy cigarettes. They're legal in all states and will give them the sugar high they desperately crave.

$11 .44

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#40

Do It Yourself Denture Set

What do hockey players and Florida men have in common? They both have the same amount of teeth, or lack thereof. When it's time to go to a fancy affair, he'll be glad to have this DIY pair of pearly whites to slip in and show off to the lot lizards.

$69 .99

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#41

Yeti Loadout Fishing Bucket

There are few things in life a Florida Man takes seriously. Among those is fishing. The YETI Load Out bucket has an insulated compartment for storing fish, pockets for gloves and gear and other necessary tools, and a lid that even bigger dudes should feel comfortable sitting on.

$129 .96

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#42

ICEE Slushie Making Machine

Next to finding out that Bigfoot isn't real, there's nothing that'll crush a Florida man's soul more than realizing that his favorite slushie flavor is out down at the gas station. With this machine on his countertop, he'll never have to worry, he can make up to 4 cups of the stuff at once.

$139 .90

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#43

Beer Ammo Bandolier

When things around the bonfire are literally poppin', you don't want to miss a moment. Make sure you're equipped with this beer ammo bandolier, which can hold a 12-pack of cans of your choosing.

$32 .95

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#44

Classic Flamingo Lawn Ornaments

Is it even a lawn in Florida if it doesn't have some of these plastic flamingos taking up residence on it? Enjoy some fun pops of pink with the assortment of pals, which come six to a pack and are in a variety of poses.

$17 .99

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#45

Toilet Paper Blaster Rifle

When Uncle Cliff calls from the outhouse that he needs more toilet paper, you don't wanna be within 20 feet of the place, it's gonna smell rotten. Use this Nerf Toilet Paper blaster to give him what he needs while protecting your nose.

$155 .78

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#46

Apocalypse Emergency Survival Seeds

When the aliens arrive and take over, it'll be important to grow food. These 100% no GMO survival seeds are just what he needs to start his first crop. The seeds are sealed vacuum-tight so he can hold onto them forever just in case he has to wait a while for that invasion.

$50 .99

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#47

Trailer Hitch Hammock

Take your woman on the most romantic vacation a Florida Man can. That is, watching the sunset at the local gator pond. Sitting in these trailer hitch hammocks, which attach right to your truck and let you swing free, you might even see something memorable, like a croc eating a squirrel.

$306 .39

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#48

Chill-O-Matic Automatic Drink Chiller

Did you really think he would remember to put the case of Natty Light in the fridge before the party? Nah, bruh. Thankfully, there is the Chlll-o-Matic. With just one spin in its basin, he'll have an ice-cold can of whatever that won't explode in his face when he opens it.

$24 .99

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#49

Goatee Shaving Template

On a Florida Man, a goatee isn't an accident, it's a way of life. With this shaving template, he'll be able to have the perfect goatee every time. It's safe and easy to use and promises a consistent look for years after that look has gone out of style.

$24 .99

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#50

Poor Man's Hurricane Survival Pod aka Chest Freezer

When you and the weatherman had a disagreement about whether or not it was a Cat 5 and he was unfortunately right, Florida Man will be glad to have this survival pod on hand. And if there's no hurricane at all, he can use it to store leftover gator from his latest trip to the glades.

$879 .00

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#51

Coolify Portable Neck Air Conditioner

Don't let 'em see you sweat by taking your portable neck air conditioner along to the beach. The Coolify delivers almost 360-degrees of ice-cold goodness for over eight hours. Wear it down at the race track, at the beach, or put it on when the Gators are down by a field goal and have to use their back up kicker.

$149 .00

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#52

The Big Bobber Floating Cooler

Go tubing and tote everything for a rockin' good time in the Big Bobber. The floating cooler has tons of capacity for all your beer and a line to keep it attached to your boat.

$48 .75

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#53

Florida Man Beer

Have yourself a rip-roaring good time with a can of Florida Man beer. It's a double IPA, which means it's filled with hops and has a super high ABV. One will get you drunk, two will get you Florida Man wasted.

$13 .49

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#54

The Poop Knife

The Florida Man isn't known for taking dainty dumps, he's known for calling up his buddies to tell them to come over and see just how big his butt bomb was. The Poop Knife is his plumbing's only hope.

$14 .95

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#55

FishEye Prank Gift Box

Fish smarter not harder with the FishEye. It's a camera that you strap to the first fish that's unlucky enough to snag your line. Just kidding! This prank gift box was made for a Florida man, though.

$9 .99

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#56

6-pack of Ribbed Tank Tops aka Florida Man Uniform

To impress the other ladies in the trailer park, it's important to wear a clean shirt every day that highlights your beer-belly physique. What better item than a ribbed tank top? It stretches to fit every curve and allows plenty of air flow so your pits don't stink.

$16 .90

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#57

Florida Man Headline Collection

Enjoy a book filled with headlines ripped straight from the croc's mouth. The collection of news clippings in this tome is dedicated to the Florida Man and his antics. The news wouldn't be as amusingly unbelievable without him.

$9 .99

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#58

ReelSonar Wireless Smart Fish Finder

He's a Florida Man, he's not stupid, he loves him some gear and gadgets, especially if it'll help him catch some dinner. This wireless smart fish finder uses SONAR to echolocate all the fish in the pond so he knows where to cast his line - and if that fails, he can fall back on the old live grenade trick.

$89 .99

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#59

Alligator Wrestling and You Parody Book

You wouldn't bring a knife to a gator fight, you'd bring your strongest muscles and get ready to wrassle that bad boy into submission. This parody book is filled with tips and tricks to ensure the gator gets thrashed and you don't get trashed.

$183 .45

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#60

Magnetic Cup Holder for Riding Lawn Mower

You shouldn't have to drive all the way to Wal-Mart on your riding mower without a roadie. Slide your beverage into this magnetic cup holder and you'll be in good shape. It sticks right to the side of your mower, how perfect.

$14 .03

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#61

Jack Link's Original Jerky Chew

His teeth have already been destroyed by meth so real chaw isn't a great choice. He'll get all the flavor he craves gumming Jack Link's Original Jerky Chew. It's packed full of protein which won't help the teeth situation but might put some muscle on his scrawny frame.

$49 .52

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#62

Truck Bed Swimming Pool

There's an above-ground pool and then there's an above THE ground pool. With the truck bed swimming pool, that's what you get. The trap makes it comfy for you and a few friends to enjoy a soothing dip in the back of the super cab. Filling and emptying is a breeze.

$179 .99

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#63

Real Tree Camo Crocs

Make your feet disappear with a pair of Real Tree Camo Crocs. Wear them to track some mud into the house. Your wife can't blame you if she can't see your feet, must mean you don't have any and someone else made that mess.

$29 .59

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#64

Hitch Mountable Portable Toilet

Instead of squatting behind a tree like some undignified animal or inexperience camper, a Florida Man does it right. He hangs this portable toilet over his hitch or a tire and craps where everyone can see before driving away.

$129 .95

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#65

Merica Mullet Hat Wig

Neither male pattern baldness nor errant roman candle sparks should not ruin Florida Man's chance at a mullet, otherwise known as the State Haircut of Florida. When sparks or genetics strike, this hat will be there to save the day with flowing locks and a bright, bold MERICA across the top.

$19 .99

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#66

American Flag Cape

No ordinary man could look a hurricane in the eyewall and say "f*ck you," only a Florida Man could. When it's time to attack the clouds don your gear, Florida Man, and pull this American flag cape over your shoulders. Also works well for flying off the back of your beat up truck.

$12 .99

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#67

Prank Million Dollar Lottery Tickets

A Florida Man doesn't invest his money in the stock market, he doesn't know Dow Jones and frankly, that doesn't sound like a man he can trust. Instead, he invests in the bank of the Lord's Luck aka lottery tickets. Make him think he's a million-dollar winner with these prank scratch-offs.

$19 .99

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#68

Rascal Scooter

How, pray tell, the f*ck else are you supposed to get around at the Wal-Mart without a Rascal Scooter? Walking just won't cut it, not when you're tired from a day of doing Florida Man things. Use the tiny cart to go faster and clear the aisles with ease.

$849 .00

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#69

I Pee In Pools Hat

You'll think twice about diving into his backyard pool when you see him floating there wearing this hat. The trucker cap keeps the sun out of his eyes and people away from his immediate and distant vicinity.

$16 .99

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#70

Inflatable Gator Pool Float

This is the only gator you're gonna wanna have in your pool! And good news, he's perfect for getting a bit of wrasslin' practice in with. The oversized inflatable can fit two (looking at you Rose and Jack) or one person lying down comfortably.

$20 .92

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#71

Mullet Socks

Get ready for a lot of jokes about the carpet matching the drapes, with a twist of course, when you're wearing these mullet socks. They'll all foot business in the front, all party in the back, and look great with a pair of sandals.

$14 .99

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#72

American Flag Sunglasses Holder

Keep your sunglasses on and your patriotism level at a 10/10 with a croakie covered in American Flags. Looks best with a mullet, a thick mustache filled with crumbs, and on a face with a leathery AF hue.

$2 .99

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#73

Cut-Off Jorts

Life is short and Florida is hot, you should never wear more pants than you should. These cut-off jorts have that "I've owned these since '82" look that you crave and pockets! Carry around your cigs, your snacks, and your keys!

$18 .77

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#74

Toy Cap Gun

Everyone knows that to get a hurricane to stop spinning you have to shoot at it. It'll get afraid and go away or spin away in the other direction. It's called science. While you're popping off, do it safely with this toy cap gun. No bullets, no one accidentally dropping dead.

$5 .43

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#75

Drinking Helmet

Why decide between a beer and a Coke when you don't have to? Holster both up to this drinking helmet and you can enjoy a combination of the two through one straw. That's one sweet slurry you'll get to enjoy, mmmm, good.

$16 .95

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#76

Riding Lawnmower

When the license is suspended, your driving days ain't ended! Whether you're headed out to the lawn or own 95 to the coast, a riding lawnmower requires no license to drive, only gasoline. So, uh, make sure you have that.

$3,699 .00

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#77

Leather Cell Phone Belt Holder

Why would a Florida Man do something crazy like put his cell phone in his pocket? A gator might swipe it. Instead, he can rock some early 2000's fashion with this leather cell phone belt holder. It's anything but attractive but it's everything Florida Man.

$12 .97

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#78

Ultimate Tailgating Cooler

Tailgating isn't just something you do in Florida, it's a sport. Make sure you have the best cooler with this ultimate one from Yeti. The oversized box can fit over three dozen cans of beer (close to four!) and over twenty pounds of ice to keep them cool. The locks are unbreakable, too, unlike basically all other coolers.

$375 .00

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#79

Selfie Stick and Tripod

There will be times when a Florida Man is faced with an opportunity to enjoy a "hold my beer" moment but alas, no one is around to hold his beer. This selfie stick and tripod can hold his phone while he's off doing whatever insane stunt he'll post to YouTube (if he lives).

$19 .99

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#80

Double Pack of Roach Spray

Roaches are like the hydra, you cut off one head and two more take its place, except it's more like 200 take its place. Unleash holy hell on the buggers with this double pack of spray, which annihilates the creatures on site.

$7 .59

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